Pursuits of the Heart

It’s been a week now since she’s been gone.  I am still longing to hear her voice. In this last week, a lot of other families have let their heart children go as well.  And the next question comes: what now? One natural outcome of hosting is the possibility of adoption.  Some of the children…

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Aftermath

She is gone. And we all begin the process of finding what that means. She was happy to go, excited to see her friends.  We were a reprieve from her normal. She left us with a new normal. But she will soon find that her normal doesn’t quite fit either.  She told me over and…

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You’re Welcome

Today is the last day I will be writing until after Sunshine leaves.  This is our last day together.  Tomorrow they fly out before dawn. It doesn’t seem real yet.  We were both refusing to pack her suitcase.  We sort of looked at things, tossed them in, took them out, and then walked away to…

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Things That Matter

I like my curly hair.  Sunshine does not.  She says it makes me look like an old lady.  I think it is beautiful. I didn’t know that until this past Tuesday.  I knew she hated the color—fixed!—and the length—off to the salon!—but I didn’t know about the curly bit until I was sitting in the…

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That Place

Imagine for a minute that you are in your safe place.  The one you run to when things go wrong, when you need comfort or escape.  The one you go to when you get the worst news you can think of.  Think of that place.  Maybe it’s a person, a room, a niche of your…

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Dyed in the Hair Love

We all have things that we love about ourselves.  And we all have things we really dislike.  Things that we grumble about or wish were different.  Our ears.  Our thighs.  Our crow’s feet. And we live in a society where we are told, over and over, that if we don’t like something about ourselves, we…

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Growing a Life Together

It seems that she has always been here.  And it seems that my life will be torn asunder when she goes away again in only a few short days. Today, we three went to see The Hobbit and have dinner.  My two dear ones sat together on one side of the booth.  Pushing, shoving, and…

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Grace at the Table

Grace abounds every day.  But sometimes we miss it.  Instead of seeing grace, we see our own shortcomings.  Instead of seeing growth, we see how far there is yet to travel.  Instead of having a burden lifted, we are weighed down in our own failings. If we live like that, we miss far more than…

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New Year, New Life

On this day exactly one year ago, Little Man and I sat in a food court eating Auntie Anne’s pretzels, and I broke the news. This was our last year. After four years of waiting for adoption or foster placements, I was finished.  It must not be meant for us.  It must not be what…

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